Guys ONLY for you

Gaadi tu hi chala rha tha ...

2 Dost Daaru pee ke Gaadi chala rhe the.

Tabhi 1 chillaya, "Deewar... Abbe samne dekh deewar hai.... Deewar... Dewaar dekh ......" Dhadaaaaam!

They hit the wall. 

The next day in the Hospital 1st asked 2nd - 
"Mein chilla chilla k bol rha tha Deewar hai Deewar hai... suna kyu nhi tu ne??"



2nd answered him,
"Sun ke kya karta Bewde...... Gaadi tu hi chala rha tha ...!!"

Happy Drinking

A husband wakes up with a hangover....
He opens his eyes n sees aspirins and water.

He sits down & sees his clothes all clean & pressed....

He takes the aspirin & finds a note "honey, breakfast's on table, I left to buy groceries. Love you"

Totally shocked,
He goes to the kitchen 4 breakfast there he finds his son & asks him "What happened last nite?".

Son says "Well Dad u came home.  @ 3am, drunk & delirious, broke all d crockery, puked in the hall & made a total mess....

Confused he asks, "then y is everything in order?" 

Son says, "Oh! Mom dragged u 2 the room tried 2 take ur clothes off & you said
"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

I cant ditch her......

MORAL:

Self induced hangover - 4000
broken Crockery - 10000
But saying the right thing when drunk........

Happy Drinking

Second Type: Your own wife

There are two types of wives.

First Type: 
Quiet, Beautiful, Understanding, Not Argumentative, Loving, One who listens to husband

Second Type: 
Your own wife

Good one...Sounds interesting......

Did U know? - 
If you chew gum when you study a subject & then chew the same flavour when you take the test it can help you remember.

Did U know? - 
People who speak two languages, may unconsciously change their personality when they switch languages.

Did U know? - 
If you still feel tired after a good night's sleep, you're probably dehydrated. Drink some water after you wake up.

Did U know? - 
Psychology claims, that mood where everything irritates you indicates that you're actually missing someone.

Did U know? - 
People who swear a lot tend to be more honest, loyal & upfront with their friends.

Did U know? - 
People who laugh more are able to tolerate pain better, both physical & emotional.

Did U know? - 
The first person who comes to Ur mind once you wake up in the morning & the Person U Think About Before U Fall Asleep is usually the one U love the most.

Did U know? - 
As you become close to someone, you can hear their voice in your head when you read their texts.

Did U know? - 
good friends are like stars you don't always see them but you know they are there..

Plz forgive me if u die laughing

This is an actual letter taken for a response to a `Marriage Proposal' advertisement:

Madam,
I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna. I am seeing ur advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper. So I decide to press myself on u and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.

I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna. I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road.

I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly. I am playing also hardly. Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.

I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on top. That is how nice I am.

I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so.

I am keep fitting everyday. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing everywhere.

I am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands everyday. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.

RIP ENGLISH

Dear customer you have insufficient balance to send this message. Please recharge your account and try again

A guy was in love with a girl but never had the guts to tell her.

One night around at 10, he gathered some courage & sent her a text with these honest words...

"Doreen, I love you, Plz reply & tell me how you feel."

A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone.

He was so scared and too tensed to open it that night so he decided not to check the message until the next morning when he's less tense and in better senses.

So he went to sleep.

When he woke up the next day he prayed seriously about the message for good news,
went about doing his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast took a bath,
dressed himself up then climbed into bed and picked his phone to read the message on his phone.

This was the response he read:

"Dear customer you have
insufficient balance to send this message. Please recharge your account and try again".

Don't laugh alone!

Share it..

Task to the BRAIN:

Same Letter is Missing three times in each word:

Fill the Blanks...

1. M — L—RI—

2. DI—MI— —

3. — INI—U—

4. A — TE — —A

5. BA— — A— E

6. R—L—AS—

7. —U — — IES

8. A — — RAC—

9. CHA— — I —

10. — AXI — U—

Dedicated to all my friends...All of u r unique

“A plum once said, ‘just because a banana lover came by, I converted myself into a banana. 

Unfortunately, his taste changed after a few months and so I became an orange. When he said I was bitter I became an apple, but he went in search of grapes. Yielding to the opinions of so many people, I have changed so many times that I no more know who I am. 

How I wish I had remained a plum and waited for a plum lover.’

Just because a group of people do not accept you as you are, there is no necessity for you to strip yourself of your originality. You need to think good of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate.  Never stoop down in order to gain recognition. Never let go of your true self to win a relationship. 

In the long run, you will regret that you traded your greatest Glory – your uniqueness, for momentary validation. Even Gandhi was not accepted by many people. The group that does not accept you as YOU is not Your world.

There is a world for each one of you, where you shall reign as king /queen by just being yourself. Find that world… In fact, that world will find You.

What water can do, gasoline cannot and what copper can, gold cannot.  The fragility of the ant enables it to move and the rigidity of the tree enables it to stay rooted. Everything and everybody has been designed with a Proportion of uniqueness to serve a purpose that we can fulfill only by being our unique self. You as you alone can serve your purpose and I as I alone can serve my purpose.  You are here to be you… Just YOU.

There was a time in this world when a Krishna was required and he was sent; A time when a Christ was required and he was sent; a time when a Mahatma was required and he was sent;  There came a time when you were required on this planet and hence you were sent. Let us be the best we can be.

In the history of the universe, there has been nobody like you and to the infinity of time to come, there will be no one like you.  Existence should have loved you so much that it broke the mould after making you, so that another of your kind will never get repeated.

You are original. 
You are rare.
You are unique.
You are a wonder.
You are a masterpiece. .. 

A Sensible Joke

Outside an Electricity Office

One Banana vendor was selling Bananas.
    
Electricity officer: What's the price of Banana?

Vendor - Let me know where you will use it?

Manager -  What do you mean?

Vendor- If you are taking it to temple then it's  
                                                                     Rs 10 per kg.

To Orphanage 
                      Rs 15 per kg
For School children
                              Rs 20 per kg          
If you r taking home
                              Rs 25 per kg 
And  

For Restaurant 
                      Rs 30 per kg.....

Electricity officer- How can this be? All bananas are same then why difference in price?

Vendor - This is my tariff plan. You people give electricity to home, shop, factory etc from the same pole.  But you charge different tariffs..
     
Electricity officer is still in Coma. 

Gadgets are beneficial, but they

A teacher after the dinner she started checking homework done by the students. Her husband is strolling around with a smart phone playing his favourite game ‘Candy Crush Saga’.

When reading the last note, the wife starts crying with silent tears.

Her husband saw this and asked, ‘Why are you crying dear? What happened?’

Wife: ‘Yesterday I gave homework to my 1st Standard students, to write something on topic -My Wish-.’

Husband: ‘OK, but why are you crying?’

Wife: ‘Today while checking the last note, it makes me crying.’

Husband curiously: ‘What’s written in the note that makes you crying?’

Wife: ‘Listen’

My wish is to become a smart phone. 
My parents love smart phone very much.

They care smart phone so much that sometimes they forget to care me.

When my father comes from office tired, he has time for smart phone but not for me.

When my parents are doing some important work and smart phone is ringing, within single ring they attend the phone, but not me even... even if I am crying.

They play games on their smart phones not with me.

When they are talking to someone on their smart phone, they never listen to me even if I am telling something important.

So, My wish is to become a smart phone.

After listening the note husband got emotional and asked the wife, ‘who wrote this?’.

Wife: ‘Our son’.

Gadgets are beneficial, but they are for our ease not to cease the love amongst family and loved ones.

Children see and feel everything what happens with & around them. Things get imprinted on their mind with an everlasting effect. Let’s take due care, so that they do not grow with any false impressions.

Oh God...! They are bloody robbers

A married couples got a letter through post. Inside that there were two complimentary first-class tickets of a new movie in the town's best cinema hall.

The following question was asked in that letter "Guess who sent this? Let's see whether you can identify it".

The couple put substantial effort to guess the sender's name but in vain, Still, they watched the movie on the scheduled date and came back home.

They got shocked when they opened their house. All the expensive & valuable things were stolen. 

There was one letter in the house as well. After reading "By this time you should have identified who gave you the tickets" written in that letter, they yelled with anger...

"Oh God...! They are bloody robbers "..
.
MORAL-:

"Whoever gives freebies to voters is to loot them later. There is nothing free in this world except air that too until trees are there".

Cow is also an animal, but...

“Cow is just an animal like a hen or goat... then why should one not kill and eat it?”

Cow is also an animal, but... a cow has many specialties that no other animal (not even human beings) has in this world. This is the reason that Hindus consider cow as ‘mother’ after their own mother, and pray to the cow with respect calling it “go-matha”.

These are some truths about go-matha.

·  If a cow eats something poisonous by mistake, and we drink its milk, will we fall ill? To find out, one cow was regularly fed a particular quantity of a poison every day. After 24 hours, its blood, urine, dung and milk were tested in a lab to check where the poison could be found. In this way, the tests were done not for 1 or 2 days, but continuously for 90 days in All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) New Delhi. The researcher did not find any trace of poison in milk, blood, urine or dung of that cow.

Then where did this poison fed for 90 days go? Just like Lord Shiva held poison in his throat, the go-matha hid the entire poison in her throat. This is a special quality that no other animal has.

·  This is the only creature that inhales oxygen and also exhales oxygen.

· Cow milk has the quality of countering poison.

·  There are diseases that medical science has not yet understood; urine of Go-matha has the power to cure them

·  If cow-ghee and rice are cooked together, two powerful gases called ethylene-oxide, propylene-oxide are released. Propylene-oxide is the best gas used for creating artificial rain.

·  Cow-urine is the world’s best killer of microbes

·  With medicines made using cow dung and cow urine, stomach-related ailments can be cured.

·  We can save from radio-waves by plastering the home floors and area outside home with cow-dung

· Cow-dung has the power to destroy the microbes causing cholera

· If 10 grams of cow-ghee is put in fire (yagnya), 1 ton of oxygen is generated.

If you feel useful please share

why don't you consult a veterinary doctor?

A man working in an IT company became sick..

He consulted many multi facility hospitals, Still couldn't get cured...

He was sad... Then his wife advised "why don't you consult a veterinary doctor?"   He was shocked .. He screamed at her.. Are you mad...  She spoke softly nothing happened to me.... It is you having problem.. You wakeup early in the morning like cock, take half bath like a crow, eat something like a monkey,  then run to office like a race horse, you work like a donkey, there u scream to your juniors like a wild bear, evening you reach home and bark at us like a dog,  then you eat like a crocodile, you go to bed and sleep like a buffalo ......... That's the reason why I asked you to meet a veterinary doctor...... The man just sat,

now wife asked why are looking at me like a owl......... 

Importance of saying in Time: 'I LOVE YOU!'

DATE WITH A WOMAN…!

After 21 years of Marriage, my Wife wanted me to take another Woman out to Dinner and a Movie.

She said I Love You but I know this other Woman loves you too and would Love to spend some Time with You.

The other Woman that my Wife wanted me to take out was my MOTHER who has been a Widow for 19 years, but the demands of my Work and my three Children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to Invite her to go out for Dinner and a Movie.

'What's wrong, are you well,' she asked?

My Mother is the type of Woman who suspects that a Late Night Call or a Surprise Invitation is a sign of Bad News.

'I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us'

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I would like that very much.'

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit Nervous. When I arrived at her House, I noticed that she too seemed to be Nervous about our Date.

She waited in the Door with her Shawl on.

She had set her Hair and was wearing the Dress that she had worn to Celebrate her last Wedding Anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as Radiant as an Angel's.

'I told my Friends that I was going to go out with My Son, and they were impressed, 'She said, as she got into the Car.

'They can't wait to hear about our meeting'.

We went to a Restaurant that, although not Elegant, was very Nice and Cozy.

My Mother took my Arm as if She were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the Menu. Large Print.
Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me.
A Nostalgic Smile was on her Lips.

'It was I who used to have to Read the Menu when you were young,' She said.

'Then it's Time that you Relax and let me Return the Favor,' I responded.

During the Dinner, we had an Agreeable Conversation, nothing Extra-ordinary, but catching up on recent Events of each others Life.

We talked so much that we missed the Movie.

As we arrived at her House later, She said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed.

'How was your Dinner Date?' asked My Wife when I got Home. 'Very Nice. Much more so than I could have Imagined,' I answered.

A few days later, Mother died of a Massive Heart Attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have Time to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an Envelope with a Copy of a Restaurant Receipt From the same place Mother and I had dined.

An Attached Note Said:

'I paid this Bill in Advance.

I wasn't sure that I could be there;

But nevertheless, I paid for Two Plates One for You and the Other for Your Wife.

You will never know what that night meant to Me. I Love You,  My Son.'

At that moment, I understood the Importance of saying in Time: 'I LOVE YOU!' and to give our Loved Ones the Time that they Deserve.

Nothing in Life is more important than God, Family and friends.

Give them the Time they Deserve, because these Things cannot be Put Off till 'Some Other Time.'